In Honor of Coming Out Day, 2025

By Lorie A.

I was raised without any sense that there was something morally or religiously wrong with being gay. In my 20s, I participated in a curriculum at church designed to educate about homosexuality and undo homophobia. I was the co-chair (chosen specifically because I was a straight ally) of the committee on LGBT concerns at church. I had thought hard, several times, about whether there was any chance I could be even a little bit gay. I just couldn't imagine kissing a girl. I couldn't imagine wanting to.

And then, at almost 30, I met someone who made me want to. And as soon as I realized that, I realized that there had been others, as far back as junior high - I just hadn't recognized the feeling.

A vibrant pride flag waves with an inspiring Dr. Seuss quote celebrating individuality and authenticity.

I believe that I didn't recognize that feeling in myself because I didn't know what it looked like. I had almost never seen it. Not in person, not on TV. Once in a movie. I identify as female, and all the females I saw portrayed in the media fell in love with males.

Of course, for some people the feeling is strong enough they recognize it even without seeing it anywhere else. And then they feel like something is wrong with them. I was lucky, in so many ways. Most of my friends and family embraced my first girlfriend as openheartedly as they have always embraced everything about me.

All of this is to say that it is so important for people to be visible in all the ways that are true to their selves. On this Coming Out day, try coming out as your full self.

I wholeheartedly believe that pretty much everything is a spectrum. I am somewhere between gay and straight. Exactly where I am on that spectrum is not really important to me. I use the label bisexual if I have to use a label. But labels just make it easier to attach assumptions and expectations.

I would like to see people not just come out of "the closet," but come out of the boxes that we so desperately try to put ourselves and each other in so that we can maintain our illusion of control. A little bit gay, a little bit straight? A little bit Buddhist, a little bit Christian, a little bit pagan? A little bit Democrat, a little bit Republican (gasp!)! A little bit male, a little bit female? Are parts of yourself hidden in boxes that they don't really belong in?