Compassionate Communication

Dear Friends,

Many of you know that, at Westside, we have for many years worked with a

communication model based on Marshall Rosenber’s Non-Violent Communication.

Our version is called “Compassionate Communication,” and our goal is to help us all use our words not to win arguments, but to build connections, trust and relationship.

Recently, we’ve had a group of 10-15 people who have been regularly practicing the model by discussing important topics in the life of our community. This last week, after the Sunday service, we had a conversation that was one of the richest I have ever participated in.

Someone asked a question before class about the difference between “physical,

emotional, and spiritual feelings” and that gave rise to a great discussion of how those

things are related, and whether or not there even is such a thing as ‘spiritual.’

In UU congregations, we welcome all kinds of philosophical, religious and spiritual

perspectives. In the room for that conversation this weekend were agnostics, atheists,

mystics, and pagans (and probably some other categories that are harder to define).

So from the outset I knew the conversation could be really rich, or really contentious.

So we used our compassionate communication model, which includes:

• identifying a triggering event or statement

• identifying our actual feelings about it (which is different than judging the

event/statement, or telling a story about what it means)

• and describing what we value or need related to it

And instead of arguing, or disagreeing, or feeling alienated from one another, we were

able to talk from very different perspectives about how reality works, and deepen our

understanding of one another, while building mutual trust. And all this happened

despite the fact that there were lots of pretty strong feelings and reactions still

happening during the conversation.

If you haven’t already checked out our Compassionate Communication practice group,

I encourage you to consider doing so soon. They require no prior experience, and

happen every fourth Sunday at 12:30pm after church. As those participating already

will tell you, it’s an amazing way to bridge difference with caring, understanding, and

curiosity.

Hope to see you there soon,

Rev. Carol